If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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