i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
