someone owes me an orgasm
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
