I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize