forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
