sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When are your genitals available?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
