i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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