i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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