Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
