guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
