I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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