So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
operation have a gay friend backfired
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
