I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
