I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
