im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
