Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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