I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I stole a fireplace last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
