Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
