Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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