She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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