some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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