I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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