someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
