Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
