last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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