can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
