tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
