I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
