Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
