Jerry, you need to find god
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
A+ Viking dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
