what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
