pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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