She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize