The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
