I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize