After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
