I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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