you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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