Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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