I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
