she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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