my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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