Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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