hotel room ftw
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wish my penis had a tongue
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
