And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if only i could text you this smell
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
