tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
