She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
