I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
