A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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