i permit you to call me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
