You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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