My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
