I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
