wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
