I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
