Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have aggressive nipples.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
