we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
