Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
