just come out here and I will go home with you...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
