So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
