Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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