That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
