I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
