she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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