dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
