I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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