We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
