I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
