Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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