Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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