How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
