she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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