if only i could text you this smell
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
