Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize