I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
