you guys were way drunker than both of me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My pussy is not your playground.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
