I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
