Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
