The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Panties = found
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
