too bad you live with your parents still
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
