OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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