3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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