I'm drive I can fine osifer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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