that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
