i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he thought i was a dude.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
