There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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