Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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