So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize