i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Someone shattered a urinal.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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