I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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