"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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