I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I stole a fireplace last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
