I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
