dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
