the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
