There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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