nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
