before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
