I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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